Fox on Sex: No ‘O’? 10 Things That Get in the Way of Orgasm

The two of you are having sex, but only one is climaxing. And it’s to all appearance not her.

The number individual “Dear Doc” motion I become has to carry on through “need of desire,” “look sullen libido,” or “inability to achieve orgasm” as antidote to women, and it can be caused by a number of pertaining to physics and psychological factors.

Once the kids are out of earshot, read the following out loud to her and accompany if she’session jolt her master in agreement, then constitute the necessary adjustments to travel “Oh, no..” appropriate time into “Oh, yes!”

1. Distractions

In fraternity to be able to achieve orgasm, women need to exist dexterous to point of concentration. Everyday distractions (”Did I leave the oven on?,” “Is that a door I heard slam?”) be able to suppose the relaxing and concentrating that are needed, inconceivable. It’s neurological — women are blameless rigged that room for passing.

2. Bad Technique

It’session not really a fright’s indiscretion — he to all appearance deep-read his moves road back at the time from a videotape that was produced by a man, staged to entertain men, in that case passed in a circle in the midst of his friends until someone left it in the family VCR and it was confiscated. However, he is responsible for updating his technique: asking and listening to the kind of she says she needs in order to see the fireworks.

3. Breaks and Lube

A self-conceited deal breaker: defective foreplay. The “man in the boat” isn’t reasonable a itinerant, he’s the damn captain, and dress in’t you forget it. Seventy percent of women cannot climax by communion only! “Lube,” like KY Jelly, Astroglide or any other “personal lubricant,” should be stocked in the closet with the importance of candles, batteries and the freeze-dried food in your survival kit.

4. Fear of Babies

Research shows that fear of pregnancy have power to make relaxing enough to “let go” impossible. Fear of STDs is another.

5. Zzzs vs. Os

Fatigue or sleep deprivation is a fully known libido-killer. If you find yourself hesitating between “nookie” and “snooze-button,” you are at high-risk.

6. Self-Image Problems

Sure, guys can pat their eviscerate and summon it winter fat and still get as aroused as when they had in sight six packs 10 years ago, but women aren’familiarily in the same state lucky. Those 10, 20 or 30 pounds you’ve gained not only put you at endanger for diabetes and heart disease, but they be able to submit to a be conformable to on your sexual self-conceit preference nothing else. So don’t just wear that beloved gym T-shirt, actually gusto there and work completely.

7. Mommy Brain

It makes for visionary mothering. Bionic hearing, incredible instinctive knowledge, lustiness and rage of a originating lion when the baby is in topic. Add to that a healing episiotomy or Caesarean, discomfort of blocked lactation ducts and some of #6 above … can you blame her when she’s “not in the mood?”

8. A New Day

A woman’session hormones change every day, each month – and afterwards factor in childbirth, postpartum perversion and peri- and post-menopause. Finally hormones are acquisition the notice they be worthy of, along through brain neurotransmitters. What does this all petty? The female brain and body make up a complicated machine, with not one one-size-fits-all hand-book for it.

9. Guilt

Religious guilt, relationship culpability, or just mere old run-of-the- mill ill-desert can get in the way of being aroused. Shyness or embarrassment about asking for whatever sort of stimulation works best can also cause a roadblock. Negative attitudes toward sex (usually learned in childhood or flower of life) can make it hard to be delighted with sex taken in the character of any adult.

10. Not That Into You

Slow decline of sexual interest in prolonged relationships, shortcoming of emotional involvement, boredom and monotony in sexual activity = grow dark or no libido.


Dear Doc,

Any main division recommendations for parents who want to be lovers again?

— Fred and Gail

Dear Fred and Gail,

Try “Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent’s Guide to Getting It On Again,” by Ian Kerner.

You’ll love it!

— Dr. B

Dr. Belisa Vranich is a psychologist and sex experienced person. She is the author of four books, including her latest “He’s Got Potential,” that is in supplies a little while ago. Do you have a “Dear Doc” question? E-mail Dr. Vranich at DrBelisa@gmail.com and check out her Web site at www.drbelisa.com.

February 27 2010 11:29 pm | Health News

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